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I couldn’t be too close to my mom, because of “tugging at her apron strings.” I was growing up as not what they thought a boy should be like. I felt like at every turn, “There’s this thing about me that they hate.” It really touched all aspects of my life. I would ask myself, “Am I doing this like a man?” Even as an adult guy now, I’m not an incredibly flamboyant person-but I felt so squashed then. I remember getting hit because I folded towels “like a girl.” I was washing dishes one day, but I wasn’t washing dishes “like a man,” and dad stabbed me with a fork. I was constantly trying to find approval because I felt so repulsive as a person. I came out at 19, and it took so much time to shake off the self-loathing, shame, and guilt that I was raised in. You’re going to be OK.” There was nothing like that when I was a kid. That’s why it was so important to do this video: I wanted to tell gay kids, “You’re fine. It was almost like, being gay, I was walking around with this cancerous tumor I couldn’t shake. At our church it was a big topic, with talk of “sexual deviants.” Honestly I was terrified. At the time AIDS was starting to become a headline. He was definitely one of my best friends and a sweet guy. I would love to say this boy and I ran off into the sunset together, but the reality was that I thought life would be over if anyone ever found out about my relationship, or what I perceived as a relationship.
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My dad viewed my masculinity, or lack thereof, in a very negative way. I don’t think he’s even out of the closet now.
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Our relationship was more pubescent and secretive. I did fall in love with the son of a fairly famous preacher in the area-but we did not have the big huge moment the boys have in the video. My dad ran the sports ministry and prison ministry: He was a tough dude. Michael Serrato: Yes, I grew up within an evangelical church in Long Beach, Southern California. The Daily Beast: You really did fall in love with the son of a preacher man?